When people begin to think about how to refer to their spouse, there are many different associations that come to mind. Some think of their spouse as a partner with whom they have for the rest of their lives. One to be by their side and share in all of the ups and downs this world has to offer. Others like to refer to their spouse as a confidant in whom they find their greatest vault. The spousal relationship is in fact a place of utmost confidences. To have transparency in the marital relationship is a blessed thing. One of the more popular ideas amongst the Christian community refers to one's spouse as a "helpmate." But are we correct in making this association? The origins of this word are both enlightening and astounding when traced back to its Hebrew beginnings. 

The familiar passage in Genesis reads as follows:

"Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.' Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him."  Genesis 2:18-20

Contextually, Adam had been in the garden alone about doing the biddings of the Lord and realized that there was in fact something missing from his life. Notice in verse 18 the Lord is the one who says, "I will make him a helper fit for him" and then later in verse 20 Adam himself comes to the realization, "But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him." This is the idea that most people take with them when they begin to think about what their spouse means to them. 

From simply looking at the passage it would be simple to assume that Adam needed someone with whom he could share in his responsibilities, his daily living, and more so his companionship. Thinking of one's spouse in this way is easily interpreted from this passage. However, when considering this term after this mention, it is interesting to discover that from Genesis 3 throughout the remainder of the Old Testament, the term help/helper is made in reference to God as the one providing and fulfilling those roles.

Deuteronomy 33:7 "Hear O Lord the voice of Judah...and be a helpagainst his adversaries."

Psalm 33:20 "Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and shield."

Psalm 124:8 "Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth."

Hosea 13:9 "O Isreal, thou hast destroyed thyself but in me is thine help."

Dr. James Butler of Fuller Theological Seminary remarks:

The point in this is to note the problem that we have in English with this word (witness the movie title, "The Help"!)--the English word "help" always conveys someone of lesser status in a relationship. But this is obviously not true of the Hebrew term: "my help comes from the Lord"!...There is also a history of misunderstanding the phrase which the KJV rendered "meet for him"--in old English and in the original Hebrew, this phrase is "appropriate for him," "a counterpart for him."...it went from "a help meet [appropriate] for him" in KJV to "a help-meet" to "a helpmate."

Now if this is in fact the intention of the term helpmate, then it could be said that often times husbands and wives are putting on to one another the expectation to have one another meet what was and continues to be a role only fulfilled by God. Our help should come from the Lord. In turning to the Lord for help, we are no longer putting down an expectation onto our spouses. Often times when husbands and wives place on to their spouses the duty of helping them through all areas of life, it is in these moments that strain on the marital relationship come to the surface.

Imagine how different marriages would look if individuals began to place ALL of their spousal expectations on the Lord - the one intended to be our HELPMATE. Pain comes as an automatic reaction to what is often times unmet expectations. By placing our expectations onto the Lord, we remove the responsibility for emotional health from our spouses placing it in the care of the almighty creator of the universe, the One where our true help comes. The way the Lord intended it to be. 

How do you refer to your spouse?