The day is filled with lengthy preparations, a multitude of emotions, and numerous people. Based out of tradition bride and groom are not allowed to see one another until the moment their eyes meet at the alter. Up to this point in their lives, each bride and each groom have dreamt about this moment. Mothers and fathers pray for and long to see the satisfaction in their children's eyes, as the joy of marriage becomes a possibility, a feeling they themselves have had.  

Up to this point the bride has spent the majority of her life learning what it means to be a woman. She has gone through formative experiences, which have taught her what she wants to take on as part of who she is. People have come in and out of her life so as to pour into her while some have taken from her. She has lived through hurts that have taught her what it means to feel and how that in feeling she and she alone decides how to heal. Today all of those moments of individual formation are joined with another.

For the groom becoming a man has been a process through which he has watched others traverse. His decisions on his career have been entirely his and his alone to make. He spends a vast amount of time pursuing sports, hobbies, and paid little attention to the stack of dishes or clothes piling up in his bachelor pad. Life has been about him. He has hopefully learned from mistakes, gleaned from sound role models, and chased all of his cowboy aspirations. Today, his wedding day, his life includes another. 

The vows are spoken, the kiss has happened, the meal has been served, and the honeymoon has begun. But, what has actually taken place? We are told in Genesis 2:24 that "man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one." According to this verse there is no longer a woman and a man, but ONE. The groom still feels like he did while dressing in his dressing room. The bride identifies the same feeling now as she had in her bridal chamber. But they are one?

What happened at the moment of their wedding is a union of a spiritual nature. God has joined together the lives of these individuals to walk life from here on out as a couple, an US.  Each married couple consists of a man, a woman, and an us. The man likes to wrestle with his sons, watch his daughter learn to paint, and enjoys the opportunity to help provide for his family. The wife desires to comfort her sons as they get rug burn, teach her daughters family recipes, and maintain her home. What about their US? 

Their US enjoys going to the ballet. The man would have chosen a number of other activities on his own - sporting event, fishing trip, lawn mowing. The wife would rather have stayed home and rested. But their US thrives on the time they get to spend watching the art of dance as they participate in the nourishing time spent together. The husband does not begrudgingly concede to attend simply because he thinks it is what his wife wants. The wife similarly does not complain that she feel too tired to enjoy the event. The enjoyment for both husband and wife is in the fostering of what they are together. 

Dad sees no problem in the son attending a concert with his girlfriend. Mom has some apprehensions. Their US decides to let him attend the concert and be home by a certain hour. The decision did not come from one parent who "won." Rather it came from a unified whole that began to be formed the day they gave their vows to one another.

Terry Hargrave of Fuller Theological Seminary, recalls a conversation with another family therapist who, in musing of his wife of 50 years now deceased commented that the thing he missed most about her was what they had together. The formation of the ONE referred to in Genesis is the outward formation of the heavenly covenant bond. God's gift of marriage means further satisfaction in all that life has to offer - satisfaction enjoyed by husband and wife together. 

For some couples finding this USness can be a difficult task - especially if your marriage is in a state of crisis. In order for a marriage to begin to shape its US, the husband and the wife involved must be in a place of willingness. Marriages demand the commitment of each individual to work towards achieving happiness as a couple. Often times individual hurts and hurts in a marriage can inhibit this process from seeming like a possibility. The Hideaway therapists are equipped to begin the process of healing so as to make the reality of a unified, healthy US can become the type of relationship for all marriages. 

What will it take to develop your marriage's US?